Can FSD Crack Europe? The Regulatory Mess Holding Tesla Back

Alright, let’s talk about something that should be straightforward but, thanks to bureaucratic nonsense, is anything but: Tesla’s Full Self-Driving (FSD) in Europe. If you’re in the U.S., you might not realize just how bad European Tesla owners have it when it comes to autonomy. You know how we complain about FSD being slow to roll out here? Europe’s over there looking at us like, you guys actually get updates? Must be nice.

So What’s the Deal?

Right now, if you own a Tesla in Europe, FSD is basically… not FSD. It’s a glorified version of Enhanced Autopilot (EAP) with some extra braking for stoplights. And when I say extra braking, I mean unnecessary braking—like, stopping at green lights unless you manually approve that it’s okay to keep going. Yeah, super useful.

And it’s not just that the feature set is neutered—it’s getting worse. Back in 2020, people were hyped, thinking FSD was about to take off globally. Instead, in places like the Netherlands, government regulations have clamped down so hard that the tech has actually regressed. That’s right—Tesla’s autonomy isn’t advancing in Europe. It’s backsliding.

Who’s to Blame?

Regulators. But not just any regulators. Specifically, a tangled mess of European, U.N., and national-level bureaucracies, each one layering on rules that make Tesla’s job nearly impossible.

At one point, the European approval process required FSD to be 100% predictable in every single scenario before it could be approved. Yeah, because that’s totally how driving works. You ever seen a human behind the wheel? We’re about as predictable as a coin toss in a tornado.

But my personal favorite? There’s a rule that says if FSD takes longer than five seconds to change lanes, it has to abort and move back. I mean, picture that. You’re on the highway, your car starts changing lanes, realizes it’s taking too long, and then—whoops—swerves back at the last second. Nothing unsafe about that, right?

And let’s not forget the concern that people might get too comfortable with FSD and "forget how to drive." Yeah, because that’s the problem. Not the fact that humans are already terrible at driving. We’re out here causing wrecks every day, but sure, let’s hold off on a system that could save lives because maybe it works too well.

A Light at the End of the Bureaucratic Tunnel?

Okay, so here’s where things get interesting. After years of this nonsense, we might be close to a breakthrough. Right now, testing is happening in the Netherlands, and if Tesla can prove FSD is as safe as a human driver (which, let’s be real, is a comically low bar), Dutch regulators could approve it within weeks.

If that happens, other European countries could follow suit—though knowing how slow this process has been, I wouldn’t hold my breath. But here’s the kicker: by May, there’s an even bigger vote happening that could push FSD approval across multiple European countries. So yeah, things are moving… just at the speed of government, which is to say, painfully slow.

FSD Europe: The Bottom Line

Europe’s regulatory process has been an absolute disaster for Tesla’s FSD. The tech isn’t the problem—it’s the bureaucrats. But if things go right in the next few months, we could finally see some movement. Will it happen? Maybe. Will it be easy? Absolutely not.

One thing’s for sure—if you’re a Tesla owner in Europe, you’ve got more patience than the rest of us. Because at this rate, FSD might be legal there by the time we’re all riding around in Optimus robot taxis.