Tesla Earnings Call
Alright, let’s talk about this Tesla earnings call because, honestly, it was one of the most electric we’ve seen in a while (pun fully intended).
Elon showed up dialed in—no weird tangents, no zoning out, no questionable rants about AI eating our souls. Just pure, unfiltered Tesla vision. And if there’s one thing we learned? The company isn’t just looking at the future—it’s already stepping into it. Robo-taxis, Optimus, the whole autonomy play—it’s happening.
Optimus: The Robot That’ll Take Your Job… or at Least Carry Your Groceries
Let’s get real—Tesla’s humanoid robot, Optimus, is moving fast. And no, we’re not talking about the barely-functioning prototypes tech companies usually parade around. We’re talking about something that could actually be rolling out in factories by the end of the year.
Larry Goldberg (aka Tesla Larry) broke it down: Version 2 is already in limited production. Version 3? That’s the one we should be watching—it’s the real mass production model, the one that’ll start making its way into the market. Tesla’s not rushing it (shocking, right?), but they’re also not dragging their feet. This thing is happening.
And price? It’s not going to be cheap. Version 2 is already in the couple-hundred-thousand-dollar range, and even the more refined Version 3 will probably sit around $100K. But here’s where it gets spicy: Tesla’s planning to auction off the first units. Imagine being rich enough to drop a casual million bucks just to say, “Yeah, I got the first Tesla bot.” Some people will, because flexing is a disease.
Batteries: The Silent Killer (of Production)
Here’s something wild: Tesla is battery-constrained. As in, the biggest thing slowing down production isn’t demand, isn’t factories, isn’t even Elon's ever-optimistic timelines. It’s the batteries. And no one on Wall Street thought to ask about it during the call. Classic.
So what’s the holdup? Just getting enough cells. Manufacturing them isn’t instant, and while China somehow cranks these things out like it’s nothing, the rest of the world takes time. Larry pointed out that Tesla’s dry cathode production took over a year and a half to dial in. Other factories are going through the same grind.
Meanwhile, Tesla’s got a patent for an LFP cathode, plus they’re refining lithium in Corpus Christi and doing who-knows-what at their cathode facility in Texas. But no one's getting details because, well, transparency isn’t exactly Tesla’s strong suit. Larry even tweeted at Elon asking for a “Battery Day 2.0.” Seems like the kind of update Tesla investors (and, you know, people betting their careers on this tech) would appreciate.
FSD 13: Is It Finally… Good?
Bradford straight-up admitted his Cybertruck ran over a curb the other day. But then, so did he while “meat driving,” so maybe let’s not throw the AI under the bus just yet.
Larry’s take? FSD v13.6 is the best Tesla has put out. He road-tripped 2,000 miles with zero safety interventions. None. That’s kind of a big deal. The Cybertruck, though? Eh, still waiting on its latest update. For now, it's mostly good at crushing curbs and causing minor existential crises.
Doge, USAID, and Washington Losing Its Mind
Then things got political. Because, apparently, you can’t talk about Tesla these days without stepping into a government scandal.
Long story short: Elon Musk is advising Trump. And now, Democrats are losing their minds over it. Why? Because one of the first things this administration is targeting is USAID—an agency that moves huge amounts of money around through a long, shady chain of nonprofits. The numbers being thrown around? Hundreds of billions.
Chuck Schumer even went on record saying what’s happening is illegal. Here’s the thing: it’s not. The president has the power to cut spending on programs that aren’t explicitly written into law. And politicians lying? That’s basically a national pastime.
But the real eyebrow-raiser is the scale of what’s happening. Money flowing through multiple shell organizations, eventually landing in one giant nonprofit? That’s not normal. Or, at least, it shouldn’t be. Larry put it bluntly: “It stinks to high heaven.”
So, What Now?
Tesla’s moving fast—maybe too fast for its own good, but at least we’re getting clarity on where things are headed. Batteries remain the big bottleneck, Optimus is inching toward reality, and FSD is finally feeling less like a beta test and more like the future of driving.
Meanwhile, in Washington, the fight over Musk’s influence is just getting started. If Tesla’s past is anything to go by, things are only gonna get weirder from here.
Buckle up.
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